AUTHORITY AND SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE-- DOES IT WORK?

Is this a reasonable pattern for marriage today?


God's purpose for marriage is given in Genesis 2:24 as oneness or unity. God's plan or pattern for that unity is given in Ephesians 5:21-33.


WHAT IS GOD'S PATTERN?
1. As persons -- a husband and wife are equal before God (Galatians 3:28; Ephesians 5:21), but as

partners there is a functional difference (1 Corinthians 11:3).

2. Husband -- head if the marriage (or leader), and to love hid wife (Ephesians 5:22-28).

3. Wife -- submit to (Eph. 5:22) and respect (Eph 5:33) her husband.

Is this a reasonable pattern for marriage today? Does every bride have to promise to obey (or submit to) her husband?

God is the originator and designer of marriage, so He is really the only one qualified to set the ground rules.

Let's look more closely to try to understand them.


HUSBANDS
Ephesians 5 says you are to be the leader (this speaks of your authority) and the lover (this speaks of your affections).


A LEADER
Your leadership will never mean dictatorship because it is a trust given by God and based on love their

wives "just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25) . (More about this later.)

Nor will your leadership mean your wife's inferiority. Remember you are both persons loved by God and precious

in His sight. Neither will you make all the decisions (your wife will be better able to make decisions in some areas

of your marriage), but you are responsible before God for all decisions made.

Your leadership cannot be demanded. True submission is a love response, not something demanded.

A husband's leadership also extends to the wife's spiritual life . As Jesus did for the church (Ephesians 5:26-27),

you need to give your wife the right opportunities and conditions for spiritual growth. God will hold you responsible
for the spiritual life in your family. (Don't leave it to Mom to teach the children about God and the Christian life.)

"Your leadership will never mean dictatorship..."


A LOVER
Leadership is not gained through power, because a Christian husband will concentrate on loving his wife

as Christ loves His bride the church. Remember hat Christ gave His life for the church, became a servant

for the church, and suffered for the church. Voluntary, self-sacrificing love is the biblical standard for husbands.

Husbands, you want to know the secret for a happy wife? Shower her with 1 Corinthians 13 type love, add

romantic love for good measure. A woman's need for love is intense and constant. Give her lots of attention

(she sees it as affection); give her time; compliment her; look into her eyes when talking; comment on her work

(favourably!); do things with her; listen to her problems; consider her as a partner in all areas of your life; develop

her as a person; do little things for her.

In marriage, a man is to be a leader ans a lover. Leadership without love is dictatorship; love without leadership

is weak sentimentality.


WIVES
Ephesians 5:11-24,33 gives you the responsibility of submission and respect. Isn't this a little unfair or demeaning?

No, Jesus Himself had an attitude of submission, and Philippians 2:5-9 tells us that the end result was great glory

and honour for Himself . Submission is a response of love -- giving everything I am to another because I love them.


SUBMISSION
Submission is not an act of subordination in a difficult situation, but a deep heart confidence in God's sovereignty

over your husband, because you realise the ultimate benefits of cooperating with God's pattern will far outweigh

any immediate losses.

Notice that there are no conditions given before a wife is to submit. Nor are any exceptions allowed to the rule. It

is a basic plan for all wives -- regardless of how special, different or difficult a particular marriage may be. (See 1 Peter 3:1-7.)

" Submission is response of love..."


RESPECT
Every man has a basic need for acceptance and admiration; that's why God asks wives to respond to their

husbands with respect. It means to regard him with honour, to admire him, to trust him, and to praise him.

Treat him like a king (and you will be his queen). A man who lacks respect, finds it almost impossible to give love.

In order to admire him, you need to discover him, so listen when he talks. Not just to the words, but also to the man

who is talking . (What are his values, strong feelings?) Admire his character, his mind, even his body. Be specific and

genuine in your admiration. (Most men have something in them to admire --just keep looking!) Be interested in his work

and give it a place of importance.

Make your husband No.1 after God. Give him priority treatment. (He comes before the children. It was him you married not

the children.) Make your home a haven of peace and a place for happy memories. A man may be head of the house, but the

woman is the heart of the home. Be feminine and dependent on him. A man needs his wife to need him.

Remember too, that man needs sexual fulfilment. As a wife your emotional needs are important, but your husbands places

more importance on physical needs than you perhaps realise. 1 Corinthians 7 has some sound advice when it says, "fulfill

each others sexual desires".

God's plan is for happiness in marriage..."

PRACTICAL

Perhaps you are saying right now, " All sounds fine to me, but how does it work out. What happens when we strongly

disagree about something?"

Both husband and wife should contribute their insights, thoughts and feelings to the discussion . Be willing to discuss

the needs of the other person. Be willing to pray individually and together, and to share what you believe God is saying.

If there is still no agreement, it is the husband's responsibility to make the choice and the wife's to pray for him as he

does so. She should then accept his decision (submit to him) and support him in it (respect) even if he seems to have

made a mistake. Remember God is mightier than even the mistakes of husbands.

Submission may not be easy because we are by nature selfish people, but following God's plan for marriage is of ultimate

benefit to our relationship and ourselves. His plan is for happiness in marriage -- your marriage.